"Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. Now, on this 12th of May in the town of Punxy Phil. The news is not about the weather - spring air or winter’s chill. No, today, the first family of groundhogs has grown.

Replace Phil with an AI-powered animatronic groundhog, a weather-reveal cake, whatever that is, or a simple coin flip. I told Thurber about PETA’s thoughts — being from Punxy, he, too ...